"New direction"

Its been a long time since i updated my blog. im using my phone so please excuse all mistakes.

My life has drasticly changed and i'm not sure exactly what direction i'm going. I use to be a working business owner... I didnt work 8 to 5... (sometimes) but I did work. I made LOTS of mistakes and I still do... but it was something I Did. I felt responsible for my business... almost like you do for a puppy. I also feel responsible for my employees... a lot really and still do.
However my wife and I have been twice blessed with twins. Through logic and lack of funds to pay the 1k for daycare... I have taken on the roll of Mr Mom. A movie about just this event was on tv the other night... and it is very accurate. anyway... just like the movie... I am not very good at being Mr Mom.

My wondrful wife always made it look easy. Things just got done. I'm not sure it that was my "man" side just not thinking about it... or if I just didnt think about it. either way, I have a GREAT respect for you moms.

Not being good at it bothers me. I know its better for my kids to be cared for by me than someone else... but they can do it better than me. That part is really ok. Maybe its because im not good at the "home work". but I know Amy didnt ALWAYS get it all done...so thats ok too. maybe ... its like what my dad has gone through. having always been the provider he is lost now that his health has taken his working ability away...

Maybe its because i was a mediocer business man... and now I'm also just a so-so mr.mom.

I have so many ideas... and not much follow through.

i rededicated my life to Jesus last sunday. i've been reading the bible more often and singing more too. I just dont know why I feel like this or what to do about it.

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THE MONOPOLY OF AT&T is BACK

I don't know of many people who remember the BELLS breaking up YEARS ago.... Well Guess what has happened. MA- BELL is taking her children back. At&T started buying up all the baby bells - southwestern bell is GONE as well as MANY others.

In Enid, there is only one other option for phone service... but SINCE AT&T owns the phone lines coming to you house or business... if you switch to the other phone company... you have to pay AT&T for the use of the lines... or pay HUGE CASH to get the new company to run lines to you.

I am very tempted to FIND the cash to do this.

AT&T is the phone company for my business. I am at there mercy when it comes to moving my phones from one office to another. SO, after talking to them on the phone over a month ago and confirming with them that I am moving on the 14th of April... they said NO PROBLEM~... THEN on April 4... they said it would be 30 to 45 days before ANYTHING could be done.

This is BIG BUSINESS.

Watch your phone bill. They are cutting costs everywhere... including pay and benefits to it's employees. The employees are threatening to strike. AT&T is retiring it's older personal and NOT filling these positions... BUT your and my phone bills are shooting up VERY quickly. All the while, service is dropping.

This seems to be the way of the world... pay more for less and less.

Something BIG is coming and it's gonna break badly.

M

The Grace of God!

PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!

Today, as has happend many times in the past, God provided. As with any business, if your clients don't pay, the well runs dry. Well A Plus Answering was a vast desert for the last week or so. There are many reasons this happened. Many excuses that I could blame and point to as reasons why. But all of them would be worldly reasons. I answer to a higher power, so these are not the reason for the negitave cash flow.

God provides all our needs. God provides in His time, not our own. Just like when the decipal was walking on the water... while his focus was on the Lord... we was above the waves... but when he looked away... DOWN HE WENT!

Well, all of us are guilty of looking away from God from time to time. Like the Bob Carslile song says. "Saints are just the sinners, who fall down and get up" Well I am there. I am neck deep in the ocean and clinging desperately to His hand. Why do I let myself get this far away... and this quickly away from your Grace.

I don't know the reasons... but I do know that it takes work, like your building a castle , to keep your focus on Christ. There are BILLIONS upon BILLIONS of distractions. All of which ask you to "look away" from HIM. And at first it may just be for a second... or less, but the next time you look its a bit longer, and the cycle starts. Each half second glance is another inch deeper. AND it's warm water... you don't notice that it's getting hotter until your boiling... and you can't get out at that point.

ONLY by a stiring of His spirit can you see your sinking and look up. Look up and ask for forgivness, Look up and ask for help, Look up an give HIM back HIS authority.

That is where I am . Still wet, but looking up.

God bless
M

Edit Firey hot or burning out?? Which are you?

The start of 2009 has been a bit tough for me. End of year financial issues, taxes, health issues for family and friends. Its all a bit depressing. I go to God with the issues and stresses of each day asking for help and insight into the masters plan. Each day starts and ends and my spirit gets deeper and deeper into the muck and myer.

I have been feeling especially alone and isolated from friends, family and even the Savior. Today, I decided to change some simple things to "REFOCUS" my day and as a result, my life.

1. Spend less time with the TV. I like getting the News and especially like Fox News.... so I do watch most days... but today I decided to limit the time to around 1 hour.

2. Spend time (taken from former TV time) on God. Thinking about what things are happening now and what direction He wants me to take.

3. Pray. If a bad thought comes into my mind, Stop. Pray and leave that thought right where it started. Then move on with the day.

4. PRAISE - both God and the one's around me. Our world is FILLED and I MEAN TO THE ABSOLUTE TOP with hate. Everywhere you turn, someone is shouting something HORRIBLE, or giving terrible looks, or hand signs out of HATE. Sure it can be choked up to lots of things... but when you strip it down to the base reason... it's hate. It strips your soul of the light. We are to be SHINING citys on a hill... not shadow casters.... SO I am going to try to praise as much as I can each day. I am very guilty of casting shadows ... and also very tired of it. I want to SHINE!!!

5. Invest into my family. Spend more time with my loved ones. I have always liked the idea of spending more time with my family playing games, telling stories... and laughing, but have always filled up the day and night with JUNK. Well I'm cleaning out the junk. SO watch out!


That's my plan. what made me think about this... was a newsletter that was E-mailed to me from my sister-in-law Brooke. She probably didn't know I was feeling isolated and alone... but the story on the front page of the newsletter from Northside Christian Church in Tulsa hit home with me. I wanted to share it because it might hit home with you too.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL IN 2009. And - CLEAN OUT YOUR JUNK!


The Quiet Sermon
A member of a church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going.
After a few weeks, the minister of the church decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The minister found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for his minister’s visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair
near the fireplace and waited. The minister made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the minister took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow, and then its fire was no more.

Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The minister glanced at his watch and
realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it
back in the middle of the fire.

Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the minister reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, "Thank
you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few
listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

Fellowship.

Well last night Amy and I went to our small group. It was a fun night. I didn't really want to go, because of issues I have with people from my youth. I guess that is something I need to let go. I mean, we all do things in our youth that we are not proud of. Things we regret. Words said, things implied... that may have hurt others. And just because we were on the receiving end of the words and actions... doesn't mean we can hold onto the hurt. After all, Jesus showed us how turning the other cheek and not holding a grudge is powerful.

SO, even-though I did not want to go, I decided that I am going to try to go every time they meet. I am going to give God the hurt and memories, and go.

SO in deciding that... we had a great time. The only people who were there were, Amy and I and Phil and Amy Voth. SO it turned out that there was no reason to worry about last night.

Another thing I am going to TRY to do.... is to DO. Be a doer, and that is going to be hard since I have been a sayer for SO LONG. I know it's not going to be a quick change... because there is a lot of DOING to DO... but I am going to start.

laters.

Dreams and Goals.

That's such a funny thing to think about. I have been thinking about a conversation I had with my wonderful wife. A talk about dreams and goals that have not been reached - YET. And I started thinking about the things I wanted and dreamed about.

For the last year I have been running a business. I guess you would say it is successful... we are still in business. I don't always feel like a success. But alas... I am running a business. SO - over the last year... most of my thoughts have been about running this business and not letting it run me. That's hard.

So after talking to Amy about her dreams and goals that she set for herself before we met... I started thinking about dreams and goals I had long ago.

I have always been heavy. One goal was to be skinner when I found Mrs. Right. Thankfully my smile blinded her... so that worked out... but I still want to be lighter.

From when I was 12 till I was well... I guess till I met Amy. I just knew God wanted me to "REPLACE" Michael W Smith. Everyone in my church told me weekly how much they loved my singing... and they were all eager to buy my album... when I recorded it. I auditioned for Acapella and they would have accepted me... but I didn't have the funds raised when I auditioned so I couldn't go... Then after a few years off... I started singing with a band in Stillwater... Moved there in fact and started singing with them all over the area. We had about 3 months of GREAT music. The PASSION for music and the assurance I had from GOD that I would be Michael W Smith had rubbed off on the rest of the band... we recorded two tracks at the studio that I used on my 1st CD... and then the band fell apart. The Glitter and Glam of it all took the focus off of God and onto US.... and that was all she wrote.

Every now and then I think back on that dream. I think, wow... what would my life be like if I had found the money to go to Acapella. Or maybe, fought harder on the band to make sure God was the center... But that's usually when the thought stops.

If I had taken any other road I would have lost out. Lost out on meeting the BEST THING that has ever happened to me. Meeting my wife, Amy. See God did use that dream and that band in Stillwater to get me to move. To move away from my comfort zone and out of Enid. Move into a job I hated - Walmart checker then SHOE dept! OH MY! Then HE took that Job away and the band too. And because of the people He introduced me to... the connection to Amy was in place. Even though when I met Amy, my heart was broken because I knew I would NEVER be Michael W Smith's replacement. God already had something FAR better to fill the broken parts up.

And If I had never met Amy... I would have NEVER met my angel, Evelyn Grace. I had always wanted to be a dad... but I never knew it would be like this. I didn't know that there was Love like this.

There are things in my mind that "might have been". Things that some might ask " if you could change anything, what would it be". The only things that I would truly have considered... were minor things. Where to hide the ring... when to pop the question... when to kiss her for the first time...

I WOULD NEVER CHANGE THE PATH I HAVE BEEN ON... Because one step different... would mean that I would loose the people in my life now.

Being USED by God!

The other day, After leaving work, running to the post office and bank to make the deposit, I was driving home with my little Girl asleep in the back seat. It was a normal day, nothing exciting on tv, nothing exciting at work, nothing exciting at all. I was just driving.

Then a former friend/employee of mine that moved away and got married popped into my head. She has been gone for almost 6 months, living and working on her life and the time that our lives had any connection was gone. But she popped into my head. I pulled out my new G1 phone and found her number. It was an Oklahoma number and she was not living in Oklahoma so I figured it would not be her number any more. I pressed send.

1 ring... 2 rings... 3 rings... not a good sign... then voice mail picked up! It was her voice... so at least it's not a wrong number.

I left a message something like this" Hi , this is Michael, I hope your doing well. Just calling to check on you!@ Call if you get a chance!

I hung up and started getting Evelyn out of the car. Just then my phone rang and it was her.

We started our conversation like most friends do.. weather, family, work, old friends.

Then she started telling me how her heart is feeling empty. She had medical issues that prevented her from working, so she just sits home. A home she married into 6 months ago. In a city she moved to 6.5 months ago with a man she loves. He works 12 hrs a day (ave) and so she sits at home alone (cat and dog) but alone. She talked about bible studies that she couldn't get to for one reason or another... and how she just feels worthless.

I then understood why I called her. It was not for me. God needed me to call her. To listen to her hearts cry and remind her that she is not alone. She is not worthless and there is a reason for this dry season.

We talked about how life when we are in high School is. We get up (at our parrents home) go to school. (regardless of the socialization) we come home... do homework (sometimes) call our friends, go do something. Home sleep. Repeat daily. We usually spend 3 to 5 nights a week out of the house fellowshipping with friends.

I expressed that I miss that about my youth. Getting together with friends and talking about life. I encouraged her to go to the church and ask about small groups. Ask if she could help out in the office, answer phones, fold bulletins, anything. Even if just for an hour. She asked if I am in a small group and I told her about the group Amy has been going to. I have not made it to a meeting yet... but I do want to go. Although I am not best friends with most of the people in our group... it still is good to fellowship.

Amy came home durring the call and I wanted to say our goodbyes so I could be with my Wife... However I knew God wasn't done. I reminded how special she is to God. How strong her personallity was here at Emmanual Baptist. She cried and so did I a bit. I said... you can call me durring the day... I'm just sitting in my office answering calls.... If you don't mind holding... I can talk all morning.

We laughed a bit about life... then Evelyn started wakeing up... so I said I needed to go get her. And we ended our call.

I thank God for using me that day. I didn't know where the words were comming from some of the time... and know now, they were from Him.
M